When the Music fades

While rummaging through my old files, covered with nothing else but dust and sometimes smeared with not so good memories, I found something really interesting.

I found a manuscript of one of the songs I wrote 5 years ago. I once had a love affair with music . I write when I'm happy, anxious or confused. Most of all, I write when I'm sad. Music is my refuge no matter how poignant the melody I create.

I actually ended up submitting my song as an entry for Silliman's Songwriting Festival which I had the opportunity to share with really great musicians who edited the song, arranged it, and turned it into how I want the music to be.

Sadly, I cant believe I wrote that song. It seems like it was written by a completely different person. My life's anthem has long changed. I can just smile and look back and tell myself that, "Yes, I have moved on."

Here's the lyrics by the way...

Even in My Silence

I'm caught up in circles
in finding reasons why it all went wrong
and now that it's over I know
i just cant find the ways to let you stay

ref:
But all that I can do is just to see you go
It's all my fault...

cho:
If letting go is the only way
to love you, keep you, save you
im going down, i'll take that way
time will change this all i know
i will stay
i wont speak. no more
i wont close the door
'coz even in my silence
I never did give up on you

Confusions are turning
who said that truth can really set us free?
im staying, ur leaving
i hope that love will find its way on me

bridge:
(oh, i cant seem to read it anymore) tsk tsk

Capuccino Tempest

I have tried in vain fathom you

But like the grain of sugar
falling in your cup
I melt

I have reached you
But still I could not grasp you
----
Somehow,
the search brings delight
to my life...

By the river Agusan I sat down and ate.....

If it wasn't for the brochure I got from Express Hardware, I woudn't have known that there is a hidden treasure 10 minues away from downtown Butuan just waiting to be discovered. It's not the complimentary drink coupon that comes with it that entices me. It is the thought that away from the hustles and bustles of the city, one could still find peace despite the chaos and carbon dioxide emission the city inevitably brings. I have also gotten tired of eating in conventional restos in Butuan and so I decided to head to the place that seems to await me.

For some of the locals, there's nothing about the Agusan River that excites and thrills them. Well, not anymore. Familiarity has kept people from appreciating the beauty that can be supposedly seen everyday. But most people dont know is that the river has a history worth rediscovering. To lead you to that path, there's a place to go: Riverside Grill and Marina.

Riverside Grill & Marina is an eco-tourism destination located in Barangay Pangabugan. It is the only waterside restaurant in the City, and features Salads, Stir-fry and the Best Burger on the Island. The "eat in the rough" style gives you a comforting and laid-back experience best shared with your family and friends. The best feature of the place is their freedom charter: "30’ open bow console vessel with full electronics, powered by 225hp 4-stroke Yamaha engine. It will take you to a guided river cruises, weddings, ocean trips, sunset cruises & more." The place is hailed as your information resource in the Butuan Region and of the Agusan River.

While sitting and eating a very delectable burger in the resto's waterside balcony, I gazed from a distance and realized how I am so much at peace contemplating the undulating fertile valleys that overspread with rich green and immense trees. I also took refuge in the vast river surrounding me that amidst its silence and calmness, it bears itself as a witness to the history that sprawls from the beginning of the17th century which features the zeitgeist of Spanish dwellers and missionary activities. All of which combine to form a picturesque landscape, a colorful history and a rich cultural heritage.

current state of mind

attract possitive thoughts.. attract possitive thoughts... attract possitive thought... wheew!

Anti-lethargy

I overheard my parents talking about me behind my back. Seriously, I'm scared. Behind the walls, I can hear their cold and muffled voices echoing with seeming sarcasms and cynicisms. I tried so hard to bring my self to sleep, close my eyes, rest my mind, calm my soul. My attempts were in vain. As a form of momentary distraction, I shifted my thoughts on something else. I could only see fraulein Maria happily gliding and singing The Sound of Music on a rolling hill. Then Bette Davis and her deep unguarded eyes. Gwyneth Paltrow's ridiculous website. Chocolates. City Lights.

I failed.

I can still hear their voices and indistinct snarl out of the corner of my room. Then again, I'm thinking of sunrise and the hope that comes with it. Im thinking of increasing my repertoire of ways to escape and find remorse in this world where nobody else understands me.

Their voices have slowly faded but I'm not sure how long it will last.

Twilight fans, dont fret!

(From the Movie Twilight- 2008)
Edward Cullen: I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore.
Isabella Swan: Then don't.

Hear ye, Twilight fans!

I don't want to pretend that I'm not moved by those lines uttered by the drop dead gorgeous, Volvo-driving and blood-sucking vampire when I first saw it on big screen. I've always been a sucker for love stories anyway. It was really fine and meaningful to me at first. But later on, it somehow gets way too mushy for me that such lines became something not entirely moving anymore. I can see the prevalence of those lines posted on almost every friendster shout outs like a spreading amoeba and that just sucks.

Until I discovered something..... Long before Edward the Vampire said those words to his poor Bella, those very lines happen to be a rip-off or an almost the same version to the one done more than half a century ago and delivered in the most subtle yet powerful way by the legendary Ingrid Bergman to Humphrey Bogart in the movie Casablanca.

And yes, here's the iconic and riveting script of the movie:

Rick: But it's still a story without an ending. What about now?
Ilsa: Now? I don't know. I know that I'll never have the strength to leave you again.

....oh, then don't.

Note To Self

You should not be at the mercy of those unscrupulous individuals who have little faith in you and tell you that you can't make it. You need to have a strong sense of self and it shouldn't be robbed off from you.

---

Don't ever listen to people who mock and scorn at you by saying that you have had much fantasies to last a lifetime. That's perfectly normal for every sane and creative individuals who are all set out to make a difference in the world. And convince yourself as well that those are not mere fantasies. Those are DREAMS.

---

Don't be scared to aim high. Remember that there is something infinite deep inside you.. Once you will be able to see that light, I know it wont stop shining through. A flame of one single candle can light up innumerable candles. Infinite. Brilliant. Transcending.

A Big Jai Ho for Slumdog Millionaire

Slumdog Millionaire dominated the Oscars with 8 wins out of 10 nominations which include Best Picture and Best Directing. The movie's contemporary approach shows us that hope exists amidst the times of squalor. Despite of its worldwide success, the film has also spawned controversy from various members of the public stating that "that the title 'Slumdog millionaire" was offensive, demeaning and insulted their dignity."

Personally, I enjoyed that movie and I love the part on how the movie ended with a surprising dance number from the cast which I thought was a remarkable tribute to the movie's Bollywood heritage and to the rich culture of Mumbai and its people.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Slumdog's biggest contender, had previously led the Oscars with 13 nominations but ended up winning only 3 awards which include make-up, art direction and visual effects.

As I had previously blogged, I prefer Button over Slumdog. The movie I thought could stand the test of time and could turn out to be a classic which is the very essence of what a best picture should be. Maybe the members who comprise the Academy have finally gotten tired of epics created to be intellectually stimulating but with a tendency to bore the (not-so-intellectual) viewers. Slumdog is a breath of fresh air and is truly enjoyable.

This year's main event though was the Best Actor award. Maybe it's because of Brad Pitt. Hehe. Sean Penn won for his remarkable portrayal as Harvey Milk which will surely make every "homo-loving sons-of-guns" proud of him.

After 5 misses, Kate Winslet had finally won the Best Actress race. She's aging a bit though. I'm not really a fan of Kate and I haven't watch The Reader but I will... soon.

It was as well a posthomous award as Best Supporting Actor for Heath Ledger for his memorable portrayal as the psychotic Joker in The Dark Knight. Ledger's family accepted the award in behalf of him. He deserves that award more than any actors alive.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt graces the Oscars with an aura of a Hollywood royalty. Jolie wore a black gown with a large emerald that looks stunning on her. The couple, however, went home without their best actor and actress awards.

Hugh Jackman's hosting performance in the Academy is a rave and he nailed it without even trying so hard. Opening the awards night, Jackman declared that "Due to cutbacks, the Academy said they didn't have enough money for an opening number," But he otherwise did it himself with a musical tribute to the 5 best picture nominees complete with basement props brilliantly staged.

A.R. Rahman's Jai Ho won the Best Original Song award from the movie Slumdog Millionaire. The buoyant song was also performed in the Oscars which I thought created an international appeal to the audience.

Enough na. hehe. Post-Oscar Excitement slash anxiety Syndrome has finally ended. xoxo eveyone! ;)

Kudos

My aunt just passed the recently concluded nursing board exams held on November something 2008.

She actually did not tell us that she took the exams. She kept it a secret. My aunt is perfectly strategic. I think it's just fair enough to hide by all means her fear of failure. That's some sort of a basic instinct. We wouldn't want the world to see us stumble and fall. We want to spare ourselves from all forms of embarrassment. Nobody wants to be tagged a loser anyway. And if we fail, we also don't want people to feign us their affection. But if ever they are indeed sincere, we still could not find comfort in a brand of reasoned sympathy. It happens all the time.


When the exam results came out, we we're just so surprised and pleased to see her name on the passer's list. I was really ecstatic. Everyone was. We ended up celebrating that very night. It was just a simple bbq party with our closest family and friends.

How sweet a victory it was. I wonder when in my lifetime i could ever taste such victory myself.

Oscars

Gwyneth Paltrow flawlessly graces the red carpet with her romantic inspired ensembles.

There's something about the Oscars that really excites me. My Oscar embodied preconceptions are assembled in the following:

• I'm but a bit ecstatic to see the Hollywood gods and goddesses flaunt their way on the magical red carpet (I wonder if Gwyneth Paltrow will be there. I've heard that her Oscar win had much been a curse to her)
  
• I can't wait to see the defeated and the triumphant look of every nominees.
  
• I wonder if Brad Pitt will win as Best Actor though I'm not really that much convinced of his performance, but I'm secretly hoping that he'll win.
  
• I haven't seen Changeling yet, but I'm also secretly hoping that Angelina Jolie will nail it as Best Actress.
• I still prefer Button over Slumdog as more Oscar worthy despite a mixed reception from audiences all over the globe.
• I guess it will also be a posthomous Best Supporting Actor award for the legendary Heath Ledger.

....the list actually goes on but I'll just wait until the 22nd to prove that all of my wishful thinking is indeed correct.

Tick Tock

I have been unemployed for the past 8 months.
I resigned from a well-paying job in a badass company.
I was their slave.
I left full of hope.
I can still find a better job.
I thought what I did was noble.
I guess I was wrong.
I'm staying with my parents' house again.
I'm relieved from any utility bills whatsoever.
I'm not really proud about it.
My daily routine is reduced to (but not limited to):
constant musing, watching movies in black and white,
surfing the internet, taking the shower any time I want,
staying up late in the evening, waking up late in the morning,
enduring my mom's constant nagging (oh, did i just say that?),
playing my guitar (as if it's the only way I can console myself),
reading a good book as a call for self-help,
and lastly, gaining weight and fighting cellulite outbreak.

Technically, I'm a bum.